Golden tattoo

Yesterday it was around 9pm when I realized all I had eaten was a cup of rice and 2 pitas.

I am not taking care of myself. I am fairly lost.

My work pays me less than I've made in awhile and seems to take the most for me. I don't think I'm that great at it either.

This guy Ive been talking to insisted that we go on a date. A year ago he wanted to go out because his wife had decided they were poly. I wasn't sure about things so we didn't. Then he needed time because they were getting divorced. Now he's met someone across country. I am so beyond tired of dealing with "nice guys" who do jerky things but still maintain that they're nice. I could have told him word for word how this would end. I always believe them though. That they know themselves. I attract all the lost boys.

I think Im driving to Vegas, Grand Canyon, Telluride. But I dont know what to do after Telluride. I'm afraid Ill be on the news as the girl they find a few days later.

My grandma has invested a lot in me. Im worried the stress that I seem to feel doesnt reflect how grateful I am to her.

I think my body is literally shutting down sometimes.

I started talking to the girl who took over my job at T/F. She had a similar experience that I had. It makes me feel less crazy. It kind of seems like two ex girlfriends bonding over the same guy.

I wish I would just feel better.