RomCom

There is no question my life is a romantic comedy. Or disaster? Or something.

I decide to be anti-social last night and wander the city while listening to Les Mis. I start taking pictures of statues and lights or whatever only to end up under a chandelier. I start looking at the building I'm at. I stare at it a bit longer...

Morgan. Stanley. Really? I have little knowledge of the city and somehow I end up in front of the building where my first crush works. I liked him for seven years. We stopped talking...he stopped talking to me after his freshmen year in college. He use to call me while waiting for his soccer practice to start.

He's recently engaged. Has the job in the city. It's really great things have gone the way he wanted them to.

Of all the buildings in New York I end up in front of his.

Magnolias

Even my coworkers were amused at how this fit me today= )



September 15, 2013
Joyfully Gregarious
Aries Daily Horoscope
Gathering together with friends today is a celebration of life, and you may be feeling joyful and gregarious. This festive mood may make colors seem brighter while sunlight feels like the sun is smiling just for you. These are the days that we should tuck away in our memories, gathering the light to store for use on days when we’re feeling low. We may want to keep our cameras ready to capture the moments today to enjoy years from now to remind us of the vibrant selves that still live within us. Whether we have a camera or not, we can allow ourselves to be in the moment and capture today in our memories by fully enjoying the celebration of life, however it unfolds, today.

Your gregarious energy will enable you to share the joy you feel with others, lifting them up to see life the way you do. The most mundane chores can be made fun when we make life a game and laughter an essential ingredient of the day. You may find yourself missing someone far away, and seeking ways to bring them into your celebrations, even if it’s just by phone or e-mail. Today by celebrating life with others, you connect to your source and allow the weight of the world to fall away. Recharged, you are able to return to daily life a sense of lightness and a desire to reevaluate how you spend your time. Today you learn to make every day a celebration of life.
***

We went out the other night. It was interesting. I changed in MoMa into a dress because my friends made me hours late in my day.So I showed up like 15 minutes late after being stupid on the train. He took me to some bar where they had a screen outside. It was packed The bouncer kept yelling at everyone to shush.  I can't even remember what we talked about that night. We walked around a lot. Ended up on the highline holding hands. It was super windy so that was somewhat comical. He would spin me around then kiss me. He kept pointing out things I do. Like pulling him back when we were standing next to a busy street. Or how animated I am when I tell stories apparently. And how I laugh a lot.

 

That probably comes from being nervous.

 

He wanted to show me all of New York. I realized that's what I want in a man. Someone who wants to show me the world. Maybe they don't even have to. But I've always been attracted to people who can teach me things and challenge me. It was sweet. We ended up sitting in the backroom of a bar. It was pleasant. He started asking me all these questions. Personal questions I barely tell my friends anything about. He realized they made me uncomfortable and apologized. It came up that maybe I was on my first date with him. Not just with him, but with anyone. Which would lead to him randomly saying I can't believe you haven't been out on a date or you don't have a boyfriend all night.

 

Which lead to him telling me that I'm cute like 50 times. Which was nice, but I never really thought me being single was really anything to do with anything. I've had other things on my mind. Like catching trains and planes and what not. But slowly but surely these thoughts are being planted in my mind. I mean, I know they're already there. He told me I would make a good mom. I wonder how many girls get told that on a first date. He asked why we had started this now and we talked about the future. It hadn't occurred to me to think past that night. I've never had to do that. I mean, I tried to do that with someone else. But I shouldn't have I guess.

 

Sometimes I think I'm too romantic to ever fall in love.

 

I really like who I'm becoming.

You're Everything

Things that happen to me that may or may not happen to other people.

Guys will tell me I would make a great mom. Sometimes this happens the first time I go out with them. Others reserve that thought until right  before they decide to stop speaking to me.

I look like Topanga. Generally this use to just be drunk girls that said this, but it's spreading.

I will freak them out when they realize I'm "more innocent" than I thought. This should also be grouped with the fact that apparently guys think even though I'm a nice girl what I really want is to do them in the bathroom. I use to think I must be sending out these weird sexual signals I was unaware of but the older I get the more I think that it's on them.

I get told I'm like a therapist. It's not because I sit there spewing advice out or anything. I'm just an active listener I suppose. Sometimes I worry I'm just making other people do all the work but I think in general people like to have someone listen to them. I know I do. That's why going back to my family can be exhausting at times. In a good way. It's just everyone wants to catch me up on their lives while I've been gone. It gets hard since my immediate ties with their lives are few and far between.

My time in NYC is coming to an end. In less than a week. It's kind of crazy. It's been a really good trip. I've never felt more lucky. Friends open their homes to me. Take care of me. I always wonder what I did to deserve this. They're really great and I couldn't be who I am today if they weren't so generous.

I should start worrying about housing in Chicago probably. I think I just want to enjoy New York for the last few days

My Girl

I feel good, I think.

My time in NYC is coming to an end. The other day I went on what I think most people will call a date with a nice boy name Luigi. I had originally wanted to be his friend because I thought it would be awesome to have a friend with his name. We met at a friend's birthday party when he came and sat down with my entire group of girl friends with ease. It's really impressive to be around a confident man.

I got out of work early so I was hanging out with coworkers when we were suppose to go out that night. I was full of dread. I was not meant for dating. At least, that's what I tell myself. But it was a great night. He introduced himself to my coworkers and their girlfriends and my boss. He was interesting. He yelled at me for not remembering my state representative. I like guys that challenge me by being well read. We talked about families and what not. It was weird. Feeling typical. Feeling how you're suppose to feel at 27 I guess.

He's older. Which is fine. I'm use to that by now. Maybe I was meant to skip over 20 somethings.  Guess time will tell.

I do think I'm less afraid. Ish. I mean, I'm getting there. Trying to enjoy the present and the special moments. Not counting on my fingers anymore about this and that. Ill be a nice girl if I kiss one guy or five.

This is all sounding preteenish in my head, but I'm distracted.

Mad Love til next time

As it stands

Writing this from Radio City because it's a slow day.

Just got back from Telluride somewhat sick and sunburned. I only saw two films, but I got what I wanted from the experience anyway.

I went in there thinking even if nothing between us changed that I had the job. The fest had paid me to be there, so I belonged. I felt guilty for thinking that too but I was trying to figure out how to make it work.

I passed him. Then I stood there thinking I am in the middle of this mountain town. So much effort goes into getting here, I can't not. So I walked back and was surprised when he seemed to step in my direction though he was in conversation with someone else.

When he mumbled sorry it hadn't even occurred to me the last time we really talked was when he was saying we couldn't be friends. That is, of course, minus last year's conversation about coconut water. I really don't remember what else we talked about after that. I had thought about this conversation for more time than I would like to admit. All the mean things I could have said or something. But I didn't want to be mean. I just cared.

He looks different. More grey in his beard. Lost weight. I wanted to take care of him but I can't. You can't love a person into who you know they can be. That sounds so cheesy. He said he leaned on my positive opinion of him often, being around him always made me feel like a better person. I felt this light around me. Again, cheesy but true.

I wish I remember more of what we said that day.

The last day was nice too. I don't think he realizes how proud his kid is of him. She was telling the rest of the  kids in the park about him. It's funny the way she calls him "father."  So formal.

I appreciated him trying to amuse me. And I realized I miss his jokes. His awkwardness. How he can tell a joke and it takes me two seconds to understand it. Clever.

I liked the way she waved at me the last time I saw them walking.

It was overwhelming in a good way. We had been going through the trauma of liking someone, not liking someone, not being able to fit in with someone's life and then poof.  I thought it would be years before we talked again, but it wasn't. Suddenly, everything was fine. I felt like I have been given freedom. There's no excuses anymore. I can't be mad. Or hurt. It happened. I learned a lot.

 I should write more later.