Lace 2014

My jobs are like summer camp. I haven't seen my coworkers from NYC since September and we can't stop emailing each other. It's completely like family. Along with my festival friends who are so on the same page as me. It's crazy that we're scattered all through the country but be so similar. Fest life I guess.

In an odd turn of events. Back in the day I found pen pals in chatrooms. Which is probably more than a downfall than I originally anticipated. Anyway, I had this friend who told me a story with this odd phrase. I googled the phrase and found her. I found a blog where she said she had being grateful I was her friend and she made a comment that I always seemed to think I didn't make sense. I was like ahhh! a decade of me belittling myself. Stop that! Also, I found out she's friends with this guy I work with at the fest. Small, small world. Anyway.

Tomorrow is new years eve. I wasn't going to resolve to do anything but I know exactly what I have to do. 2014 I am going to be sexy! Even now I blush at that but I need to stop. I want to own my sexuality and not be so confused by it. I want to form meaningful relationships with people. I have two examples of the type of woman I want to be. (Keep in my I still haven't considered myself a woman yet- girl yes. But it always sounded strange when a guy refers to me as a woman.) Anyway, the first one I met when I ran off to Indiana right after college. She was so giving and such a hippy. She ran off to Southern California. We've met up in NYC last. She has blossomed into such an awesome woman. She owns her curves and says her opinions and is sculpting the life she wants. It has been amazing to watch. The other friend I have is an actress on Broadway. We have a similar funkiness to us. Watching her on stage is always amazing. She is so professional in everything she does. She oozes sex.

And sex doesn't mean slutty. It's about awareness. Confidence.

I have little to worry about now. I have a savings. Debt free. It's kinda crazy. Complete freedom. No excuses. I want to take care of myself. I want to use my body and cherish it.

I have always known who I am. Time to chip away at it.