28

So I am 28.

I've lacked enthusiasm about it. Not the actual age but just the current state of things.

Which is completely lame. I just got done running operations for one of the coolest festivals in the US and everyone said I did a great job but I am hard to read. They want me to be more enthusiastic and communicate. But I did a great job. Something about it never felt right.

I am currently rehearsing and have performances in two of the biggest theaters in my city. This is also neat but something is off.

The festival was fun at moments. I met a boy, like I do. We had fun. Awkward, funny, where-did-you-learn-that kinda fun. And we still talk! So that's always a plus.

Then there's the guy I took time to get to know who fell off the face of the earth once we got close. He gets international texting to talk to me while he's in Africa every day and then after we see each other in Utah falls off the face of the planet in one of those "who am i" quests that the boys who like me tend to go on once I feel comfortable with them. Ah well, least he's not on a mission right?

Then there's the NYC boy. Who's no boy at all. He's a man. By all means. We don't text but he sends me messages on my bday. He makes me feel like a woman. Like how I should feel. At 28 I should be comfortable saying I'm a woman but I still feel odd about it. And this sex thing is still weird. Finding that balance between what you want and what you should do.

I dunno. Career wise I'm not sure what the goal is. I'm not sure there is one. Just new adventures.

My grandmother moved 3 hours away. I know I travel a lot but I've never felt far from her. When I was little I cried when she moved 20 minutes away and now I feel that same kid in me completely upset by her moving. In a lot of ways we're in the same spot. Not grounded in any home. Trying to figure out what we want.

I want to get healthy, have a clear mind. Confidence. Without anyone else's energy being put in me.

We'll see.