Day After

Man.

Father's Day slowly gets to me. Everyone talking about their dads and I'm like ho hum when will this be over? I've been thinking about writing my dad a letter saying it kinda sucks you weren't around. I don't have a father figure in my life. It kind of reminds me of the Curtis thing though. It won't solve anything. Maybe I just have to deal with it.

Luke has been giving me life advice the past few days. Live in the moment. Get over things etc.

Last night I was sitting on a rock after being left behind-ish. The way I was sitting gave me instant flashbacks to waiting to be picked up from high school after theater got out. Being alone in the parking lot.

I didn't know how to deal with seeing Luke in the scenes he was in. Everyone seems more comfortable with sex than I am.

Father issues and sex scenes. How typical can I be? Surely there's a story in there somewhere?

I've been running lately. It feels good. I do it for the wrong reasons though.

Its amazing, the scripts here. Some of them are word for word conversations that I've had with people. Obscure things. I appreciate the truthfulness people put in their work.

the daily

A couple people have told me I am a story they want to hear. I just wish I knew how to tell it.

I'm in the service of supporting artists. Not being one. I think that's why I like talking with Luke. Sharing watercolors and what not. Talking about art, being accepted as someone who can do art. I kinda gave up in high school when I started comparing myself to everyone else and couldnt make things as realistic as I wanted them to be.

I felt pushed around today. Scraping cous cous off avocado for an actor that blesses me and bows his head. Keeping my eyes down when I make popcorn, surprised when certain people know my name. Luke walked in with all the assistant editors telling him he did amazing because they had seen his dailies. He came back out to ask if I found my wallet. I haven't. That's fine.

There was another biking accident on the highway.

oh canada

Yesterday was like Christmas, or heaven or something unnaturally good.

We had a karaoke party Saturday night where I was asked to sing with actor which resulted in the Canadian singing old country songs to me at the point where I just told him he could sing to me.

Then after a night of partying we all wake up for brunch, which is amazing. Gondola rides. And my lab bestie Erinn came back to work. It was weird how quickly everything went down to get her here but we are officially roomies again and it makes me happy.

I need to take better care of myself. Running again even thought the altitude is a B up here.

Still trying to work out plans with AGT and Telluride. Good times.

free falling

I never know what Im allowed to say on here or not for various reasons.

Ed Harris sang with the crew band last night.

Alex the Aussie rewrote the lyrics to American Pie.

Laila went all Joni Mitchell on us. She originated this role on Bway that was the last show I directed in college. So bizarre.

Stephen and I officially met. He has the nicest smile ever.

Luke says that I totally get him. He carries a harmonica in his jean jacket, not the harmonica we just bought him. He is very clever and a nerd and I enjoy that.

Jeremy thinks I should sing karaoke because I have the glasses for it.

The group all sang Free Falling together. I thought that was off.


I always feel more at home with actors than anyone, think its my theater roots showing.

I hope I can use this all someday. Like write one of those movie that includes everyone ever. I wish I was more open here, I just cant figure it out.

Pelican Earrings

Yesterday was a really good day.

We took an actor with us on some errands. We were standing in the line at Super Target when he started trying to get my attention. He was on the cover of a gossip magazine who said he had started dating some starlet. It was really amusing. I bought it.

In the car I told him facts about himself and then he would clarify them. He decided to buy a guitar and a harmonica while we were out. Apparently he watercolors too.

I enjoyed our conversations.

People kept telling me the last month that I've been quiet. I think maybe it was because I wasn't inspired. I don't want to talk of sports or hook ups. I want to be clever. I want to learn about people.

Yesterday gave me focus. I know whats right for me when I really think about it.

It's funny, he was in a movie directed by Sarah Polley. Small world for multiple reasons.

Im nice...your nice...

Its really this time before bed I dont know what to do with myself.

I went to a reading of one of our fellows movies. It was nice. I always wonder how you know what story needs to be told. Like there's only one, I know there can be many.

Im listening to The Verve Pipe. Its so weird growing up with their music then running an event for them.

People around me seem to think casual sex is where it's at. But, after the reading tonight I dont think it's as easy as people make it out to be. Mostly.

I talked to Sam. The first guy that I know of that liked me in high school. I always thought it was me being guarded that made us not happen. But I had my reasons and I think they were good ones. He also    said somethings word for word what Curtis said. About being afraid of disappointing me and stuff. He said he always found himself trying to be more clever around me. I don't mean to put that kind of pressure on people. I think maybe it's because I am quiet. I put thought into what Im saying. A lot of people talk just to talk. I like being intentional.

All Good things are Possible

So two days ago was the blessing. Everyone at the labs hikes up to Elks Meadow and we stand in what is suppose to be a circle. And then we are each blessed by a guy using an eagles wing. I always forget until he's standing in front of me with the wing over my head how it reminds me of something I heard in Telluride. It started to rain and a dad held out his arm and told his small child to get under his wing, he would keep them safe.

It's the first time I didn't feel all over the place. I was able to walk down the road without panicking about seeing that guy get hit a week ago.

Later that night I could tell my coworkers were making an extreme effort to look out for me. At some point I have to say what I want so that people can give it to me.

Earlier that day it was pretty nice too. Me and this other girl were having brunch when a well known actor came and sat down with us and asked us about us. He reminded me of my grandpa. We watched his film last night.In the end these big actors, they're still storytellers and they still have that thing in their head where they have to tell the story no matter if it makes them money or not. Which is nice.

I still have a lot of work to do. But its happening.