Here I Go Again

I feel good.

I like feeling good this late at night because in the past- and I'm sure the future- it's so easy to feel lonely. I am always in a strange place you know? With people who are coworkers and friends but not with anyone looking out specifically for me.

I think NYC will feel good. There's a sense of fearlessness. You have to project fearlessness in a city so you don't get mugged or whatever.

I wish I would write these things when I am less distracted. Anyway.

Twice this week my friends have told me I don't seem like I want a relationship. Because of the traveling. They think friends with benefits fits my lifestyle better. I think everyone focuses on the "benefits" part of that phrase and not the friends part. That's the part I like.

I do think about the future. A lot. More so than people may think with my lifestyle. I think the things I'm doing will help me. I just don't know what it all means yet.

I want to be more confident in what I am doing. And speak up for myself more.

I packed my watercolors and oil pastels for NYC. I know Im in a balanced place when I can create art.

When I was done packing I wrote the perfect letter in my head to him and realized it's more for me. He doesn't need it. I feel closer to love when I can forgive things that have happened in the past. I mean, yeah- its a good thing for him too but really its for me. People aren't perfect. They don't know where their life is going to lead. While I don't know specifically where my life will go after this. I think deep down I do know whats going on. And when it's time, it will be time.


I should really start writing better here.

Mad Love

L